Remembering You
by Maraunerd
Summary: Remus is sulking then starts to flip through old books from Sirius. Set during TDH. **Mentions of RL/SB and RL/NT.


The last time I had been to a real wedding, he was there. I remember how happy he had been when James had asked him to be his best man and how he came home, sweeping me off my feet with excitement and told me. It was the easily one of the best days of his life.

Those few months before their wedding were the best I'd ever had with him. The love in the air seemed to affect us but he became more of a romantic then I was and more than he had already been. Sometimes he would come home with gifts for me, small things like chocolate and books he thought I'd like to read. Sometimes I'd come home to dinner or a warm fire that he had prepared for us to sit by. He'd make me breakfast in the morning and would sing to me. Even the sex got better; it seemed like there was a new connection between us, almost like we were at Hogwarts again and just falling in love for the first time. And although it sometimes seemed like a bit much, I loved every second of it.

I still remember the morning before. He had woken up an hour earlier then he should have, and just lay next to me, embracing me, and even though I was tired, I stayed awake to experience it with him. We had lain in silence and bliss and I can remember exactly how his body felt against me and how his heartbeat was off the slightest bit from mine. I remember how he had been too shaken to button his shirt, and how I had to hold his hands to calm him. I remember the way he looked as he stood next to our best friend as he professed his love to the redhead he had liked for ages. I remember the way he danced with me at the reception, and how he had had just a bit too much to drink. I remember how he had been so interested in the Muggles that were there and how he had asked them about a television program called 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'. I remember promising him that he would see the show eventually, even though the title was confusing and I wasn't sure what it was about. I remember the way he smiled, quite drunk and quite sleepy. I remember bringing him home, and watching him sleep. I remember falling in love with him again.

I thought about him as I sat in our flat; not me and him, but me and her. I had been ready for over an hour, and she still ran around continuously changing her hair color and length and style and her makeup and eyebrow shape and a million other things that didn't matter. She didn't need to impress anybody, since I had already married her. I shuttered as I thought about how that whole day had felt wrong. How I had agreed abruptly, and how we had rushed through it without telling anyone other than her parents. How I knew that the image of her walking down an aisle towards me was all wrong and it was not this young girl that was supposed to be sharing vows with me, but the dark-haired man I loved. I thought about how I had been intoxicated the whole time and woke up the next morning to find her sleeping naked next to my own exposed body; barely remembering any of it.

I sulked to myself over the thought that she was now pregnant with my son, and how that poor child would be cursed with bad genes and a mother and father who were indifferent about their relationship. I wished I could go back and just stop Sirius from going through that veil. I cursed myself and thought about how none of this would be happening if he had survived. I felt my eyes sting with tears and I tried to pull myself together before I exploded with emotions.

God I missed him.

"Are you almost ready?" I asked, sounding uglier then I had anticipated.

"Almost!" she called back and I heard her running up the stairs again.

I sighed deeply and fixed my gaze upon the bookshelf. I counted to myself how many of those books were from Sirius. I never noticed how many he had bought me, until this moment. I also realized how I had not touched any of them since they had been unpacked from the dusty boxes that hadn't seen the light of day for years. I felt myself gravitating towards the bookshelf and I let my fingers brush against the spines of thick and canvas bound novels and textbooks. I pulled one out that was called "Sum of 34." I had forgotten what it was about and I let it dance between my hands before cracking it open. I flipped through the pages, before letting my eyes rest upon the last one. He had written on it, and I stared at the scratchy handwriting he had left there.

_To my Remus-_

_I saw this book and I thought you may like it. It looks long, so you'll be reading it for a few days. I love to watch you when you read. _

_-Sirius_

I had never known that Sirius watched me while I read, and I blushed as I wondered what Sirius thought when I would make funny faces or attempt to act out small parts of the book to better understand them. I continued to reread the words until I memorized them. I could almost feel the emotion coming from behind the ink. I knew that Sirius had once held this book and thought of me as he bought and wrote in it.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked away from the book with regret. She stood there, smiling, "Ready?" she asked.

I felt that there was an obvious answer, and I felt annoyed with her like I usually did.

"Yes." I responded, barely moving my lips. The feelings that were inside me made me want to never leave that bookcase. I wanted to tell her to go on without me, and stay here by myself and my thoughts and the books from Sirius. I needed to scan them all again, and try to find more of the little notes he had added in the pages.

I felt her pulling me towards the center of the sitting room, and I knew I had to go to Bill and Fleur's wedding that day. I knew that Harry needed to be protected, and that I promised I would go. No matter how much the 19 year old boy inside me complained and yearned for the pages of the books, I pushed myself to disapparate to the wedding.


End file.
